UW Returns to its Roots: An April Fools Joke

By Dr. Jim Clark, Psychology

In a surprise press release today (1 April 2010), U of W announced that it had decided to cut back on administration and return to the governance structure that existed 20 years ago.  Administration made this unexpected given the opportunity provided by the exodus of the current VP Academic.

In essence, there will be a single Dean to oversee all academic programs and this Dean will report directly to the President.  This change will ensure cooperation among existing and new programs, and maximize the efficient use of our academic resources without assuming unwanted and unnecessary financial burdens due to redundant administrations, course duplication, and unhealthy poaching of students.  Most importantly academic needs will now receive priority attention at the highest levels of administration.

Without providing details, the 15-person public relations office (in its last act before dissolution) further announced that there would be equally dramatic reductions at all levels of Administration.  The President, for example, will now assume direct responsibility for researching and writing convocation and other speeches, press releases, and all minutes of Board and Senate meetings.

When asked about the loss of jobs resulting from this restructuring, affected people reported confidently that they expected no problem finding new positions, as 99% of universities continue to hire more aggressively at administrative levels than for teaching or other direct services to students.  They reported rumours, for example, that Lakehead University would soon be expanding its senior administration.

The restructuring was expected to save the university about $10 million annually.  In another surprise (even shocking to some) move, it was announced that all of this released money would be distributed at the departmental level to support teaching, research, and service functions.  Academic hiring would resume, departmental discretionary budgets would be restored, and our best students would receive additional funding related to their schooling (e.g., through reinstated marker-demonstrator budgets).

Finally, it was announced that this restructuring would mean that there would now be an expanded retirement party next spring (1 April 2011) at the Winnipeg Convention Centre.  All are invited to this celebration.